I get a lot of people asking me for this...so here it is:
Do you nutmeats want some music recommendations?
Normally, I write big explanations for the things like this,
but I’m not going to waste your time. These are bands I like. This is good
music. Pre-approved by me. Here.
Band: Acid
Bath
Genre: Sludge
metal with hints of doom.
Why: Acid
Bath is a big name of the sludge genre, and even if you’re not a big
listener, just about everyone I know has found something to enjoy in their
music. Its complex, beautifully composed and has a great deal of variety. It’s very much a time-capsule of early 90s
metal-infused grunge rock. They’re not particularly hard or heavy, so you don’t
have to be a big metal fan to get into them.
Where to
start: When The Kite String Pops
Extras: The
artwork of the aforementioned album is a painting from the serial killer John
Wayne Gacy, AKA Pogo the Clown.
Band:
Agalloch
Genre:
Progressive black metal with elements of doom
Why: They’re
a black metal band that can mix folk, classical and acoustic elements into
their magnum opus without sounding too much like they live in the woods, or
creating an overload of ultra-bombastic sensory overload. They’re not
wall-of-sound, but more melodious and sorrowful. It’s something you can listen
to on a long drive.
Where to
start: Marrow of the Spirit
Extras: They
were featured on NPR for this album. Pretty wild for a black metal band to get
that kind of attention.
Band: Ageless
Oblivion
Genre:
Progressive blackened death metal with bits of hardcore.
Why: They’re
the answer to so much progressive black/death metal being riddled with masturbatory
solos and high vocals. Just another death metal band for you to test against
your own standards, really.
Where to
start: Temples of Transcendent Evolution
Awful band
name scale: 6/10 awfuls.
Band: Ajattara
Genre:
Progressive black metal
Why: They
took the fundamentals of black metal and modernized them, stepping far away
from the ‘lone wolf lost in the woods of ghosts and spirits and frost’ and gave
it a new tooth. They come out heavier and more vitriolic for their efforts.
Where to
start: Murhat
Band:
Aldebaran
Genre:
Funeral doom metal
Why: No
reason in particular to be entirely honest. They’re so slow and low that
they’re almost difficult to describe as music, but more of a sound-scape of
weird ghost shit and distant growls. Which is cool too.
Where to
start: Buried Beneath Aeons.
Band: Alfred
Schnittke
Genre:
Classical
Why:
Schnittke is one of the ‘extreme’ composers that I’ve fallen in love with. He’s
so wonderfully bizarre. His music is beautiful and terribly tormented,
disturbed and sonorous.
Where to
start: Requiem & Conserto for Piano and Strings
Band:
Allegaeon
Genre:
Not-shit Deathcore
Why: When all
you need is fast, angry music with driving drums and relentless cock-waving
riffage, written about nothing, you can rely on Allegaeon to slake your thirst.
Where to
start: Fragments of Form and Function
Band:
Allfader
Genre: Brutal
death metal with elements of technical
Why: They’re
like if Amon Amarth were dipped in pure evil and sprinkled with devil-flakes.
Where to
start: Black Blood Flux
Name
meaninglessness: 100%
Band:
American Head Charge
Genre:
Alternative Metal
Why: While
they only released a pair of albums before drugs split them up, AHC still has a
tremendous following. Their early works aren’t particularly interesting, just
hard-rock masturbating to metal porn. However, The Feeding is an exceptional
album and certainly worth a listen to anyone interested in some truly American
metal.
Where to
start: The Feeding
Extras: I’ve
seen them live, one of my first concerts. They contributed to an album of
Marilyn Manson covers.
Band: Amon
Amarth
Genre: Viking
Metal straight from Valhalla
Why: Because
they’re fucking Amon Amarth. They have mock Viking battles on stage. Every song
they write is about Vikings or Thor or fighting sea monsters or some shit. They
write about cracking open skulls and brains flying out. They’re Amon fucking
Amarth.
Where to
start: With Oden On Our Side, Twilight of the Thunder God, Surtur Rising
Extras: They
use their guitars as cutting boards when they make dinner.
Band: Anaal
Nathrakh
Genre:
Unbelievably extreme metal
Why: Anaal
Nathrakh is the end of metal. I’ll quote a review I wrote of ‘Passion’: “Anaal Nathrakh’s ‘Passion’ sounds like the
final evolutionary step of heavy metal music. It combines unspeakably extreme,
wall-of-sound mixing, absurdly fast and intricate drums, searing riffs with the
most violent vocals imaginable. Frequently, the shrieking departs from the
standard death-metal howls and enters a dark new territory of disturbingly
convincing pained-yelps, and hoarse, tearful cries. AN has long been one of the
honored and reviled chaplains of extreme metal, and with this release, they have
offered up the audio equivalent to a mass-extinction event. It’s the noise of
pigs being slaughtered, the treads of tanks shredding through bones and flesh.
If music is ever going to be fully weaponized, these British bastards are at
the top of the list.”
Where to
start: Hell is Empty and all the Devils are Here, In the Constellation of the
Black Widow, Passion, Vanitas
Extras: They
wrote a few tracks about the ‘Horus Heresy’ timeline in the sci-fi universe for
Warhammer 40,000. Their equipment doesn’t go up to 11, because they don’t have
a volume knob. That implies that they’d want something other than maximum
noise.
Band: Anata
Genre:
Technical death metal
Why: If
nothing else, listen to these guys for their incredible skill with their
instruments. Other bands play catchier, simpler stuff, but Anata goes into the
most absurd depth with their technicality. They produce incredibly complex, and
masterfully executed, technical death metal out there today.
Where to
start: Conductor’s Departure
Extras:
They’re Polish, and they’re one of the first death metal bands I ever really
got into.
Band: Animals
as Leaders
Genre:
Progressive Metal
Why: They’re
progressive metal without vocals. I can’t stress enough how much of a blessing
it is to have an exceptionally talented prog band that isn’t stained with goofy
high pitched clean vocals. They’re geniuses behind instruments, they’re wildly
capable and I can’t begin to explain how they’re worth a listen to any heavy
music aficionado.
Where to
start: Animals as Leaders, Weightless
Extras: My
friends and I use them as a sort of detox band for people who generally listen
to shitty metal. Introduce them to AaL and gradually get them into real metal.
Band:
Anomalous
Genre:
Progressive technical death metal.
Why: Meshuggah
has influenced many a metal band, and some wear this badge more clearly than
others, and Anomalous is an unsurprisingly difficult-to-place band. While
they’re guitars scream of the strange, malformed riffs of Meshuggah, the rest
of their composure lends itself to a traditional tech. death metal outfit.
Whatever they are, they’re fun, and I recommend them.
Where to
start: OHMnivalent
Band:
Anorexia Nervosa
Genre:
Symphonic black metal
Why: I don’t
listen to Anorexia Nervosa because of how much I love their music, I listen to
them because of how hilariously over-the-top they are. They are, and I don’t
use this word often, truly priapistic. I mean, they’re always raring to go.
They’re ready to fucking slaughter the universe right now, and neither of us
are listening to them. They’re extreme, fast, and constantly backed up by an
orchestral soundtrack from hell. But for posterity, no, I don't actually listen to them. This is not a serious entry.
Where to
start: Drudenhaus
Extras: They
have a song called ‘God Bless the Hustler’. They’re also French. Good for them.
Band: Anti
Genre:
Depressive black metal
Why:
Sometimes, when you’re especially aware that the universe is doomed to a slow,
agonizing heat death, you need to listen to some icy, mournful black metal to
cool your veins. Anti is it.
Where to
start: The Insignificance of Life
Extras: auuuuuughhhhhhh
Band: Aphex
Twin
Genre:
Electronica (And virtually every subgenre that electronica contains)
Why: Aphex
Twin is the Frank Zappa of electronic music. He’s released such a massive
amount of material that it’d be difficult to not find something that fits your
tastes. He’s released so much material, and seems to constantly be recording
new material. Because Aphex Twin, aka Richard D. James, is such a prolific
artist, and he so frequently works under one of dozens and dozens of
pseudonyms, his wikipedia page for his discography warns: this is the KNOWN
discography of Richard d. James. He’s a titan without peer. Put down the
dubstep. That can wait. Listen to Aphex Twin and honor your elders.
Where to
start: Drukqs, I Care Because You Do, Richard D. James Album, Selected Ambient
Works Vol. 2, Ventolin EP, 26 Mixes for Cash
Extras:
Seriously, 26 Mixes for Cash is a phenomenal album.
Band:
Architecture in Helsinki
Genre:
Flowery hippie cutesy rock.
Why: Because
sometimes the world isn’t ending, shit isn’t going wrong, or maybe it is and
you just don’t care, and everything, maybe just for a moment, is alright. Time stands still,
and you enjoy the company of another human being.
Where to
start: Fingers Crossed
Extras:
They’re the happiest and yet most depressing band I can think of.
Band:
Arghoslent
Genre: Blackened
death metal
Why: They’re
technically adept and they write really interesting music. They’re a lot of fun
if you like to know the lyrics to your death metal before you get into it.
Where to
start: Hornets of the Pogrom
Extras: Dog
and Broom!
Band: Arkhum
Genre:
Pigsquealing death metal
Why: Because
fuck it, why not. Honestly, they’re not doing anything particularly fascinating
or technically wonderful, but sometimes that’s what you need. A good hot
dicking straight from the devil.
Where to
start: Anno Universum
Extras: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEET
Band: Arsis
Genre: Death
metal
Why: Arsis is
a fabulous example of death metal being modernized without turning into some
death core shit. They use fantastic recording quality, differentiated guitars
and varied vocals to set themselves apart. I’ve listened to them for years, and
the thrill still hasn’t worn off. Just forget about their more recent material.
Where to
start: A Celebration of Guilt, United in Regret
Extras:
Listen to ‘Dust and Guilt’. I love that song.
Band:
Ascension
Genre: Progressive black metal
Why: When
black metal meets progressive metal, the emotional, delicate sound-scape
elements of it are generally shed in favor for faster, more stage-ready songs.
Ascension mends this rift with their interpretation, and should be commended
for it.
Where to
start: Consolamentum
Extras: The
artwork for Consolamentum is what made me really look twice when they described
themselves as black metal. No black and white photographs of long forgotten
trees with a moon and a wolf howling and a battle axe strapped to that
wolfs back because he’s actually a super
deep mystical warrior? Neat.
Band: Aurora
Borealis
Genre:
Progressive technical death metal
Why: They’re
a talented, well trained band who happened to put their entire discography up
for download on their website. I guess they felt that they’d just cut out the
middle man.
Where to
start: Timeline: The Beginning and End of Everything
Band:
Baroness
Genre: Hard
rock with metal elements
Why: Baroness
is one of the best modern hard rock bands playing today. They’re just a perfect
example of how broad the genre can be. They have intricate, well written and
fully imagined songs and they compose their records as entire pieces of
artwork, rather than just a handful of songs.
Where to
start: Blue Record
Extras: Their
stage lights are generally in synch with songs, and which color album they were
on.
Band: Battle
Dagorath
Genre: Black
Metal
Why: Battle
Dagorath is the embodiment of uncompromising, wall-of-sound black metal.
Simple, pure, and krieg as fuck.
Where to
start: Ancient Wraith
Extras: Not
to be confused with the Italian hate group ‘Battle Dago’
Band: The
Beast of the Apocalypse
Genre: Black
Metal
Why: Black
metal, downtuned and distorted beyond comprehension. It’s nothing spectacular,
but it’s stranger than what the kids are listening to these days, I’ll tell you
that much.
Where to
start: Henosis.
Extras:
Henosis is an infection of the chicken.
Band:
Becoming the Archetype
Genre:
Progressive Deathcore, but not shit.
Why: I found
these guys when I asked for a recommendations on djent-infused death metal that
didn’t have many clean vocals. This is what I got. Not bad.
Where to
start: Celestial Completion
Extras: How
do I know they’re deathcore before listening to the music? The band name is a
sentence fragment.
Band:
Beheading of a King
Genre: Progressive deathcore, but again, not shit.
Why:
Practically identical to Becoming the Archetype, but grindier and more
technical. Polyrhythmic!
Where to
start: Quasar: Preserving Legacy
Extras:
Sentence fragment. Gah.
Band:
Behemoth
Genre:
Blackened death metal
Why: Behemoth
is far beyond the confines of metal. Musically, they’re incredibly talented,
hard and heavy in every imaginable way, but their true value lies in the fact
that the band is fronted by Nergal. A survivor of leukemia, an exhaustively
educated man, and a bit of a philanthropist to boot, Nergal is the perfect
embodiment of the archtypical frontman. He’s got charisma, brains, and an ego
larger than the known universe, but he’s got the talent to back it up.
Where to
start: Evangelion
Extras: Just
read the Wikipedia page about the band, they’re really something else.
Band:
Belphegor
Genre:
Blackened death metal from the very bottom of Hell’s most diabolical
orgy-crater.
Why:
Belphegor is sexmetal dunked in a vat of blackened death evil, shot full of
holes and then fucked in those holes by an army of cockdemons. Everything about
them, the violence, perversion, devil-worship, is cranked to the max. They’re
the band Christians are afraid of.
Where to
start: Bondage Goat Zombie, Lucifer Incestus
Extras: THE GOATCHRIST.
Also, when they released their big box set, they included a limited edition
Belphegor hand grenade. Yes.
Band: Black
Breath
Genre:
Modernized blackened death metal
Why: Kids
these days, they don’t have a clue what real black metal is about. So, no,
Black Breath isn’t kvlt or anything, but they are a fresh interpretation of the
fundamentals put forth in Norway, some thirty years ago.
Where to
start: Heavy Breathing
Extras:
REJECT CHRIST! SPIT ON THE CROSSSSS!
Band:
BlackTusk
Genre: Sludge
rock
Why:
BlackTusk is a great example of genre-mixing, where elements from a dozen
different subgenres can mix together and produce something really valuable. The
vocalist is especially enjoyable.
Where to
start: Taste the Sin
Extras: The
artwork was composed by John Dyer Baizley, the frontman of Baroness.
Band:
Blockhead
Genre:
Triphop
Why:
Blockhead is the go-to music if you need to study, or if you want to work
around the house. It’s just a hipper version of jazz, made modern and a little
funkier. A trip indeed.
Where to
start: Uncle Tonys Coloring Book, Downtown Science
Extras: Take
the Nyquil challenge while playing these guys and you’ll die!
Band:
Bloodbath
Genre:
Fuckin’ death metal.
Why:
Bloodbath is a supergroup from Stockholm, formed with members from Kataonia and
the vocalist from Opeth. They’re the purest example of phenomenal modern death
metal I can give. If you don’t like Bloodbath, you just don’t like death metal.
Where to
start: The Fathomless Mastery, Nightmares Made Flesh, Unblessing the Purity
Extras: In
their lyrics, they removed all references to god and replaced them with ‘doG’.
Band: Blut Aus Nord
Genre:
Extreme progressive black metal
Why: Extreme
metal, black metal, and progressive metal are all given to the occasional
wildly intelligent, densely mathematical, profoundly intricate band, and Blut
Aus Nord is one of them. They’re complex, tangential, and just a
head-scratching mastergroup.
Where to
start: 777 - Sect(s)
Band: Brain
Drill
Genre:
Technical brutal death metal
Why: When I
go to work in the morning, I like to listen to music that doesn’t waste time
with flowery intros and outros, or shamelessly masturbatory tremolos. I just
listen to things like Brain Drill and get ready to hammer the fetus of the work
day.
Where to
start: Apocalyptic Feasting
Extras: They
have a side project called Cerebral Bore hue hue hue hue hue hue
Band:
Buckethead
Genre:
Virtuoso guitarist, employs elements from essentially all guitar styles from
thrash metal to classical acoustic, flamenco style.
Why:
Buckethead is like Aphex Twin of guitar, who if you recall, is like the Frank
Zappa of electronic music. Buckethead has an unimaginably massive amount of material.
I can listen to buckethead with my mom, my dad, my brother, my metal head
friends, and even girls who listen to John Mayer. He’s capable of virtually
every kind of music. He’s one of the best living musicians of this age. He’s
like none else. Keep an eye out for his side bands, like Praxis and especially
The Deli Creeps.
Where to
start: Acoustic Shards, Albino Slug, Bucketheadland Vol. 2, Colma, Crime Slunk
Scene, The Cuckoo Clocks of Hell, Dawn of the Deli Creeps, Forensic Follies,
Kaleidoscalp, Pepper’s Ghost
Extras: I’ve
seen Buckethead four times. He’s easily 6’6”.
Band:
Burzum
Genre:
True black metal
Why: I’ll
be the first to admit it: Part of the experience of listening to black metal is
the thought that the musicians are so depraved and bizarre, and yet they’re
capable of creating complex, original works. Burzum, the solo project from the
‘Black Metal Murderer’ Varg Vikernes, was kept alive even during his prison
sentence, where he could only record with a synth. Now that he’s free, he’s
recorded a handful of fresh records. They’re enjoyable, but you do have to
really want to listen to them. Keep in mind, I’m not giving him a pass on his
actions or on his primitive philosophies. I’m just saying I like the music.
Where to start: Dauði Baldrs, Filosofem, Belus, Fallen
Extras:
Varg looks homeless now!
Band: Cake
Genre:
Rock
Why: Cake
is one of the most deliciously smooth rock bands out today. They’re perfectly
chilled. They’re the audio equivalent of a pair of sunglasses worn indoors.
They’re not weighed down with heavy ideas.
Where to
start: Comfort Eagle, Fashion Nugget
Band: Cavus
Genre: Black
metal
Why: There’s
a reason that Cavus was picked up by big name black and death metal bands for their
most recent tours. They’re fast as fuck and they carry a big stick to beat the
shit out of your ears. Give them a listen.
Where to start:
Fester and Putrefy.
Extras:
Google the band name in images. Ha.
Band: Charon
Genre:
Blackened death metal
Why: I don’t
know much about them, but they’ve really run with the whole distant, mystical,
creepy vibe that black metal used to espouse and really made it their own.
Blackened death metal, or really all death metal, has a tendency to sound like
a big, angry guy yelling at you about demons and fireballs and shit, so it’s
nice to hear a strange, distant growling evil instead.
Where to
start: Sulphur Seraph
Band:
Clampdown
Genre:
Progressive metal
Why: They’re
not a band I listen to often, or really one I like to claim I listen to.
They’re kind of heavy-handed and just a little too hardcore-y for my tastes in
some parts, but they’re tangential and progressive enough to really make them
worth a listen.
Where to
start: Clampdown
Terrible band
name score: 9/10
Band:
Climatic Terra
Genre:
Progressive metal born from hard rock
Why: Again,
no, these guys aren’t doing anything particularly interesting, but they’re enjoyable
for their complexity and, simply, for the fact that they’re bunch of angry
noise makers. It’s metal for fucks sake, not a dissertation. I don’t know if
they speak English as their mother tongue, but telling by their lyrics, it
could be their third or fourth language.
Where to
start: Earth Pollution.
Bad skills of
in English: yes! Ten ups thumbs good plus!
Band:
Clinging to the Trees of a Forest Fire
Genre:
Grindcore
Why: I’m
recommending these guys because they do what grindcore is supposed to: be a
musical form of a hundred Gatling guns firing into a steel drum factory, while
thirty million lions are fired from cannons into a brick wall.
Where to
start: Omega Drunk on the Blood of Alpha
Extras:
Rearrange the letters in their album title and you get ‘Nonmoral bulkhead
poohed fagot’
Band:
Chloroform
Genre:
Triphop
Why: Triphop
is only good for one thing: spacing out. Chloroform does this with great ease.
Where to start:
Scrawl
Band: the
Contortionist
Genre:
Progressive metal
Why: I can’t
put into words why these guys are good without sounding like I’m just feeding
you all the sentiments I shared about previous bands. They’re exceptional
examples of modern, progressive death metal with elements of metalcore, but
with less clean vocals. Mind you, I said less. I don’t know why it is that so
many Meshuggah influenced bands feel the need to include clean vocals. They
used clean vocals on one song, and that was ages ago. Why do they need to use
them now? I don’t know. Fuckin’ kids.
Where to
start: Exoplanet
Band:
Corpsessed
Genre: Death
metal with elements of brutal and doom metal
Why: I guess
I just like death metal that revolves around ancient, evil rituals, demon
spirits and strange cult activities, and less about killing people with
hammers. Just my thing.
Where to
start: The Dagger & The Chalice
Band name
retarded level: 7/10
Band: Corpus
Christii
Genre: Black
Metal
Why: Fuck I
didn’t realize how many heavy, evil, fast, hate-filled bands I would have to
describe with unique descriptions. They’re what I just said. Just listen to
them.
Where to
start: Luciferian Frequencies
Band: Cosmic
Atrophy
Genre: They
say they’re extreme metal, but they’re really just technical death metal with
elements of progressive
Why: Any band
with a song called ‘The Granfalloon’ is worth a shot in my book.
Where to
start: Codex Incubo
Band: Craft
Genre: Black
metal
Why: They’re
one of the best black metal outfits around today, and they’re driven on an
engine of pure hate. Just listen to ‘I Want to Commit Murder’
Where to
start: Void
Band:
Cryptopsy
Genre: Death
grind metal
Why: They’re
one of the most storied bands in the genre, and they’ve been through many
changes through their long history. Some of their records are instantly
forgettable, even reprehensible, but when they get it right, they get it
fucking perfect.
Where to
start: Cryptopsy, Once Was Not, None So Vile
Band: Culted
Genre: Doom
metal
Why: They’re
my go-to band for slow, churning doom metal. If you like funereal, Culted is
your group.
Where to
start: Beyond the Thunders of the Upper Deep
Band: Dan le
Sac vs. Scroobius Pip
Genre: Hip
hop/ rap
Why: Dan le
Sac vs. Scroobius Pip isn’t the greatest rap group of all time, no, but they’re
fun as heck and they write intelligent, if occasionally atrociously
pretentious, music. Rap with upbeat messages without sounding like Will Smith?
Count me in.
Where to
start: Angles, The Logic of Chance
Extras: Be
sure to check out their videography.
Band: Dark
Fortress
Genre: Black
metal
Why: Another
band who mastered the mixture of black and death metal without forsaking their
roots. They’re adepts when it comes to the feverish pacing, wall-of-sound
mixing of the genre, and their use of a driving, throbbing baseline keeps me
awake.
Where to
start: Ylem
Extras:
There’s like ten different bands that are named Dark (something sort of regal,
but not ‘throne’)
Band: Darkthrone
Genre: True
black metal
Why:
Darkthrone is black metal. They’re one of the founding groups of the genre and
they can be credited with the creation of many of the tropes that are so
frequent to the style. They have a delicious mixture of punk rock, rock n roll,
and originality that makes them so instantly listenable.
Where to
start: The Cult is Alive, Circle the Wagons, Transylvanian Hunger
Band: Das
Racist
Genre: Rap
Why: Das
Racist is the most intelligent, hilarious, insightful, and downright enjoyable
rap groups of today.
Where to
start: Shut Up Dude, Relax
Extras: Watch
me / walk me / the second hand couldn’t
even clock me
Band: De
Magia Veterum
Genre:
Extreme black metal
Why: De Magia
Veterum is one of my favorite black metal acts out there today. It’s fronted by
the guy from Gnaw Their Tongues, and so naturally, it’s incredibly well layered
and absolutely incomprehensible. What I can tell you is simple: This band is
pure chaos. In C. S. Lewis’ ‘The Screwtape Letters’, a senior devil teaches a
junior devil how to tempt a Christian man to sin and vice. The ultimate goal,
for all of the devils was to reduce the laws of nature, the very order of the
universe to chaos, and to create such an catastrophic noise that the
cacophonies of nonsense finally drown out the constantly intoning voice of God.
De Magia Veterum, and Gnaw Their Tongues for that matter, are the greatest
contributors to this noise. This is the sound of the end of mankind.
Where to start:
The Divine Antithesis.
Band:
Deathspell Omega
Genre:
Extreme progressive black metal
Why:
Deathspell Omega is one of the most mysterious, complex and downright bizarre
bands I’ve ever heard. Practically no one knows who they are, they don’t tour
or play any live shows, and they don’t have any presence online. All they are
is music, no acts, no bullshit. Detailed, engaging, heavy, and strange,
Deathspell Omega is what I’d like to see more black metal bands try to emulate.
Where to
start: Chaining the Katechon, FAS – Ite Maledicti in ignem Aeternum, Kenose,
Paracletus
Band:
Decapitated
Genre:
Technical death metal
Why: I’ve had
the pleasure to see these guys live, and their live show manages to contain
their frenzied pacing, viciously layered mixing and ferocious vocals to life
without muddying the technical marvel of their song writing.
Where to
start: Carnival is Forever, Organic Hallusinosis
Band:
Deftones
Genre:
Alternative metal
Why: Deftones
have a great knack with taking the slick, evil guitars of metal and making them
into pop-rock songs without compromising how diabolical they sound. They’re
replete with clean vocals, and lots of slower moments, so they’re nothing too
heavy, but if you’re into prog metal, you might enjoy their softer parts. In
the end, I’m not too sure how ‘metal’ they are, or if they’re just a harder
rock group with elements of metal. Who knows. Give them a listen.
Where to
start: Around the Fur, White Pony, Diamond Eyes
Band:
Dembiurg
Genre: Brutal
death metal
Why: They’re
heavy, grueling, slow, and low. It’s what death metal should be; a bulldozer of
fuck coming to bury your family in annihilated dead body corpses.
Where to
start: Dembiurg
Band:
Dephosphorus
Genre: Grind
death metal
Why: If
anyone has a reason to be angry, it’s the Greeks. So here is a Grecian grind
band that writes songs about stars exploding.
Where to
start: Axiom
Band:
Desolate Shrine
Genre: Death
metal
Why: It’s
just a good band. I have nothing interesting to say about them.
Where to
start: Tenebrous Towers
Band:
Destroying Divinity
Genre: Death
metal
Why: See:
Desolate Shrine
Where to
start: Dark Future
Band:
Desultory
Genre: Death
metal
Why: See:
Desolate Shrine
Where to
start: Counting our Scars
Band:
Dethklok
Genre: Death
metal
Why: If you
don’t know who dethklok is, you’re a fool and a charlatan.
Where to
start: Dethalbum I, Dethalbum II, Dethalbum III
Band: Devin
Townsend (Including the Devin Townsend Project)
Genre: Devin
Townsend is such an otherworldly talented musician; he’s practically a meme for
exceptionally gifted musicians. He personally mixes his music, and makes sure
that the heavier songs are as uncompromising as possible. He’s bi-polar and
schizophrenic. He has a shark puppet that he talks to on stage. He invented his
own hairstyle. He’s hilarious. Deconstruction is one of the best albums ever
recorded. I’m serious. Go listen to him now.
Why:
Physicist, Ziltoid the Omniscient,
Addicted, Deconstruction,
Where to
start:
Extras: He
has a song called ‘the Mighty Masturbator’.
Band: Dimmu
Borgir
Genre:
Symphonic black metal
Why: Dimmu
Borgir is a big point of contention for black metal. Some people think they’re
total sell outs for embracing quality recording equipment and no longer writing
songs about ghosts in the woods and shit like that, while others just see them
as another step on the path of musical evolution. They’ve certainly changed a
lot since they began, and their sense of theatricality has grown exponentially.
What good is extreme music without a solid show to go with it?
Where to
start: Death Cult Armageddon, Abrahadabra, Puritanical Euphoric Misanthropia,
In Sorte Diabloli
Band: Dragged
into Sunlight
Genre: Brutal
extreme death doom adjective metal
Why: They’re
able to mix the grueling, churning, sickening pace of doom metal with the
heaviness of death metal. I love this group.
Where to
start: Hatred for Mankind.
Band: Drewsif
Stalin’s Musical Endeavors
Genre: Djent
Why: Drewsif
has all the shining loveliness of djent metal – and all the drawbacks. While
he’s really complicated and wild, he also feels the need to throw in some clean
vocals and a smattering of slow, soft, filler material for whatever reason. Fun
time though.
Where to
start: An Insomniac’s Narrative
Band: Ed Gein
Genre:
Grindcore
Why: Any band
that has a song called ‘The Marlboro man is a faggot’ is a-ok in my book.
Where to
start: It’s a Shame that a Family Can Be Torn Apart By Something As Simple As A
Pack of Wild Dogs.
Extras: Ed
Gein killed people!
Band: El Scar
Genre:
Progressive metal
Why: I
thought El Scar was a really excellent start of a really heavy, big fat thick
cock of a djenty prog metal band, but his more recent releases have been lots
of light, floaty stuff. That’s got its place, he’s still really good in my
book, but I wish he’d release more material like MAGI.
Where to
start: MAGI.
Band:
Emiliana Torrini
Genre:
Pop-rock, trip hop
Why: She’s
got the most beautiful voice I’ve ever heard, her songs are wrenchingly potent
and unbelievably moving.
Where to
start: Love in the Time of Science
Band:
Encircle
Genre:
Progressive djent infused metal
Why: I love
instrumental bands, and a djent instrumental group? I’m having flashbacks to
Periphery’s fantastic first release already. Sign me up. Or sign you up, I’m
already signed up.
Where to
start: Watch the Sky Fall
Band:
Enslaved
Genre:
Progressive black metal
Why: They’ve
blended the catchier elements of pop-rock with black metal and created
something actually worth listening to. So do this.
Where to
start: Axioma Ethica Odini
Band: Ewan
Dobson
Genre:
Contemporary folk
Why: I never
thought I’d be listing a folk guitarist as one of my favorite bands, but here I
am. This is how you know I am serious.
Where to
start: Ewan Dobson II
Band:
Excavated
Genre: Brutal
death metal
Why: Fuck, I
don’t know. It’s brutal death metal. It’s like shoes, you need several pairs.
Where to
start: Ad Libitum
Band: The
Faceless
Genre:
Technical brutal death metal.
Why: They’re
remarkably intelligent, capable young gents with a chip on their shoulder when
it comes to scientific ignorance. Seen them live, too. Lots of fun. Autotheism,
their most recent release, has got to be one of the most creative tech. brutal
death metal albums I’ve heard in a long time. They’re certainly not afraid of
trying new things.
Where to
start: Akeldama, Planetary Duality, Autotheism
Band: Fetal
Decay
Genre: Death
Metal with elements of technical
Why: Strong
fundamentals of brutality here. Just ignore the vocals.
Where to
start: You Have No Choice
Band name on
the scale of how difficult they are to talk about in formal company: 8/10
Band: Fleshgod
Apocalypse
Genre:
Technical death metal
Why: Again, I
don’t use this word a lot, but these guys are the definition of priapistic.
Every song is 110% twisting, screaming death metal with squealing orchestral
backing. Everything is so over the top, the top should be ashamed at being so
sub-par.
Where to
start: Oracles, Mafia, Agony
Band:
Fleshwrought
Genre:
Progressive death metal
Why: If you
just put the fact that the vocalist from Job for a Cowboy is in this group,
you’ll be able to appreciate how technically adept these guys are.
Where to
start: Dementia/Dyslexia
Band:
Flourishing
Genre:
Depressive death metal
Why: One of
the best things about metal is how extreme it can be. Whatever emotion it is,
it’s all of that emotion to the Nth degree. Depressive death metal is fantastic
just for the fact that it’s just so fucking dreary. Take this funeral dirge and
dip it in the angry briar of death metal and you’ve got Flourishing. Quite an
act.
Where to
start: The Sum of All Fossils
Band: Frank
Zappa (Including The Mothers of Invention, and all his side projects and other
bands)
Genre:
Alternative rock, virtuoso, humor rock
Why: Frank
Zappa is the Frank Zappa of Frank Zappa. He’s the go-to guy for everything in
rock. He’s one of the founding fathers. He’s a mover and a shaker. I don’t know
how to explain exactly how significant he is without diving headlong into the
hyperbole. He’s released 78 albums. Just shut up and listen to him.
Where to
start: 200 Motels, Apostrophe, Hot Rats, You are what You Is, You can’t do that
on stage any more (all of them)
Band: Franz
Ferdinand
Genre: Rock
Why: Franz
Ferdinand makes me want to fuck. Everything. With my penis. All over and
forever.
Where to
start: Franz Ferdinand, Tonight: Franz Ferdinand
Extras: Why
does this music make me want to fuck. God damn it now I’m all stiff.
Band: Funeral
Mist
Genre: Black
Metal
Why: They’ve
got one of the best black metal vocalists I’ve ever heard. They’re evil as
fuck.
Where to
start: Maranatha
Extras: I’m
almost certain that the vocalist from Marduk is the vocalist here.
Band: The
Gates of Slumber
Genre: Heavy
metal
Why: Just
listen to their song ‘’The Scovrge of Drvnkenness’ and you’ll see why these
guys are so much fun. I say pretty often how much I dislike clean vocals in
metal, but I think that can be misinterpreted as me only wanting screaming
deathgrunts. I just dislike really goofy, high-pitched and obnoxiously effete
vocals where something heavier would be more appropriate. The rock n roll style
of vocals used here are totally appropriate, and in the end, it completes the
sound very well.
Where to
start: The Wretch
Band: Gaza
Genre: Death
metal with elements of post-deathcore
Why: Gaza is
an exemplar of post deathcore. They keep the modern elements without keeping
the obnoxious, wait-for-the-breakdown samey-ness. Plus, they’re really
articulately anti-christian in the most hilarious way. Also, listen to
‘Slutmaker’. Fuck I love that song.
Where to
start: He Is Never Coming Back, I Don’t Care Where I Go When I Die, No
Absolutes in Human Suffering.
Extras: Read
their lyrics. They’re so much fun.
Band: Ghost
Genre: Heavy
metal
Why: Ghost is
amazing, not just for how well they work clean-vocals and devil worship into a
really dance-able that makes me really, really want to fuck everything in my
room, but for the fact that they’ve stayed so true to the mysticism and
theatricality of their stage presence. They’re one of the most enjoyable heavy
metal bands I’ve can name.
Where to
start: Opus Eponymous
Extras:
Luuuuuuuucifer!
Band: Glorior
Belli
Genre: Black
metal
Why: They’re
just the side project of another band called Glorious Belly. Okay, that’s not
true, but they’re just another quality black metal band whose differentiations
aren’t too numerous.
Where to
start: O Laudate Dominvs
Band: Gnaw
Their Tongues
Genre: Extreme,
extreme, jesus fucking Christ this is extreme, I can’t even understand what I’m
listening to, what the fuck, extreme blackened death doom extreme metal, with
elements of extreme
Why: Because
that genre doesn’t come to half of how strange this band is. It’s just one
dude, which is enough to raise a few eyebrows, but once you put on the song
‘Broken Fingers Point Upwards in Vain’ and really give it a listen, you’ll be
blown the fuck away. Which brings me to another point: the song/album
titles employed by Gnaw Their Tongues are so perverse and bizarre, they really
make this band something I enjoy showing off to prudish WASP girls. Just pick
up the 2007 release ‘An Epiphanic Vomiting of Blood’ and play ‘My Body is Not a
Vessel, Nor a Temple. It's a Repulsive Pile of Sickness’ or even the song
that’s bumpin’ in clubs across france, ‘And There Will Be More of Your Children
Dead Tomorrow’. Personally, my favorite
is ‘The Uncomfortable Silence Between Beatings’.
Where to
start: All the Dread Magnificence of Perversity, For all slaves…a song of false
hope
Extras: ‘My
Body is not a Vessel or a Temple but a Repulsive Pile of Sickness’
Band: Gojira
Genre: Progressive
death metal
Why: Gojira is
one of the best progressive death metal bands out there today. They
consistently produce heavy, catchy, rhythmically-strong songs with intelligent
lyrics and fantastic vocals. I can’t praise them enough, really. Just listen to
‘The Way of All Flesh’, particularly every song on that fuckin’ record.
Seriously, it’s a masterpiece.
Where to
start: From Mars to Sirius, The Way of All Flesh, L’Enfant Sauvage
Extras: Check
out the song Devin and Gojira teamed up with, ‘Of Blood and Salt’.
Band: Gorgoroth
Genre: True
Norwegian black metal.
Why: They’re
one of the most iconic bands of black metal, and while they personally found
any of the fundamentals for the genre as a sound, they are responsible for much
of the wild stage presence now imitated by so many black metal bands across the
world. I mean, they’re not allowed in Poland ever again after their
blood-soaked performance, where dozens of sheep heads were impaled in spikes
around the stage. I mean what the fuck. Jesus.
Where to
start: Twilight of the Idols, Ad Majorem Sathanas Gloriam
Extras: Check
out their one and only music video for Carving a Giant.
Band: Graveyard
Genre: Stoner
hard rock
Why: Graveyard
took the fuckable sound of the White Stripes and added a little fang to it,
then pressured it to eat a handful of unlabeled prescription pills and go to an
orgy, and right when they were about to climax, Graveyard ate that sound and
then absorbed its power.
Where to
start: Hisingen Blues
Band: Hooded
Menace
Genre: Stoner
doom metal
Why: B-movie
horror stories turned into molasses-slow drone metal? Sure, why the fuck not.
Even their sweeps are in slow motion. I think they’re a bunch of sloths with
instruments.
Where to
start: Fulfill the Curse
Band: Impetuous
Ritual
Genre: Death
metal
Why: This is
the side project of Portal, and their sound remains unchanged. I’ll explain
more when we get to Portal’s entry.
Where to
start: Relentless Execution of Ceremonial Essence
Band: Joyless
Genre: Alternative
rock
Why: Softer,
lighter, more emotional and more delicate than anything I regularly listen to,
but they’re still pretty jazzy. I don’t know much about them, but they use
harmonicas, so be aware.
Where to
start: Without Support
Band: Kerasphorus
Genre: Death
metal
Why: They’ve
got a really good grinding, grueling sound to them that employs the best of
progressive and technical death metal without compromising their aggression
with over-thought intrumentals.
Where to
start: Cloven Hooves at the Holocaust Dawn
Band: Krallice
Genre: Progressive
black metal
Why: It’s black metal without vocals, so it’s basically just tremolo picking and
wild masturbation, backed by an ocean of kick drums.
Where to
start: Dimensional Bleedthrough
Band: Krupskaya
Genre: Grindcore
Why: It’s a
metal album about the Chernobyl disaster. Enough said.
Where to
start: Clouds over Pripyat
Band:
Penderecki
Genre: Classical
Why: He’s the
guy who did the classical pieces behind ‘The Shining’, and he’s a part of my
search for extreme music in every genre. He’s created some of the strangest and
most abstract orchestral works I’ve ever heard. He’s some kind of disturbed
genius. Just listen to ‘Threnody for the Victims of Hiroshima’ and you’ll see.
Where to
start: Penderecki: Orchestral Works
Band: Lamb of
God
Genre: Metal
you listen to but don’t tell your friends about
Why: Fuck it.
I like lamb of god. No, not their most recent stuff, that’s all shit. I like
their earlier stuff. Not their very beginning stuff. Just like, three albums.
They’re really great American death metal. They had great lyrics. No, they’re
not geniuses, no they’re not completely original, and no, they’re not
representing the genre well, but who gives a shit? Just listen to them and stop
talking to me.
Where to
start: As the Palaces Burn, Ashes of the Wake, Sacrament
Band: Last
Days of Humanity
Genre: What
the fuck.
Why: Jesus
Christ. What the fuck. What the living fuck. Just listen to the song ‘Lacerated
Cunt Incisions’
Where to
start: Rest in Gore
Extras: What
the fuck is this.
Band: Le
Baron Vampire
Genre: Deathcore?
Why: It’s
great if you’re into it. What more do you want from me? Fuck, I’ve written you
24 pages of recommendations. Is that enough for you? They’re a deathcore band,
but they’ve got lots of the lighter elements that normally make this genre a
minefield of terrible shit.
Where to
start: Baruch
Band: Leviathan
Genre: Depressive
progressive black metal
Why: Okay,
here we go. The best album I’ve ever heard is ‘Massive Conspiracy Against All
Life’. Here’s an excerpt from a review I did: “Leviathan is an American black
metal project composed entirely of one Jef Whitehead, otherwise known as Wrest.
This 2008 masterpiece, Massive Conspiracy Against All Life is an apocalyptic
series of grave, ambient tracks detailing not just the end of life on earth,
but of the ultimate extinction of all matter in the universe. It begins with a
slow, meager growling intro, but quickly picks up pace and turns into a
maddening spiral into total oblivion. While it may seem simple, know that this
piece is not just about the simplistic Armageddon of flames and devils, but of
a microbial destruction, and of the creation of new life from the withered
corpse of our universal ovum. Note the microscopic nature of some of the lyrics
“Gone, as T-Lymphocytes” and “From a long, flagellated vessel”, and know that
the original title for ‘Vulgar Asceticism’ was ‘A Flagellum Raised to the Sky’,
a phrase which upends the sperm cell and points it at the ‘ova’ of the earth.”
Seriously,
Leviathan is absolutely remarkable. Second to none. Perverted, strange,
depressive, bizarre, bleak: no one does it better than Leviathan.
Where to
start: Massive Conspiracy Against All Life, Sacrifice Love at the Altar of War,
The Tenth Sublevel of Suicide, True Traitor True Whore,
Band: Lustmord
Genre: Dark
ambient
Why: Lustmord
created his own genre, and is therefore the master of its fundamentals. It’s
not music, per se, but slow, sound-scape ambiance. That’s ‘ahm-be-ance’. You’ll
listen for half an hour and very little will change. Odd noises spring out of
nothing, and seem to vanish just as easily. It’s the sound of the deep void,
where stars collapse without so much as a deathrattle. If you don’t want to
slog through a giant, slow song, just put on The Harrow from the record
Zoetrope. Listen to it and space the fuck out.
Where to
start: Juggernaut, Heresy, Rising, [ O T H E R ], The Monstrous Soul, Zoetrope
Band: Mammoth
Grinder
Genre: Death
metal
Why: Mammoth
grinder is traditional death metal about shit going wrong. Big, loud, angry
noises about hell and society exploding into flaming dog shit. That’s all.
Where to
start: Extinction of Humanity
Band: Maranatha
Genre: Death metal with hints of deathcore
Why: Sigh.
Fuck. So I guess I can’t run from the reality that this is a Christian metal
band. I didn’t see it coming at all. It just happened so fast. I mean, be
honest with me, you see a band with a big black upside down cross on the cover,
songs like ‘In Vain Do They Worship’ and the fact that they open a song with
‘THERE… IS… NO… GOD!’ and you think, oh, hey, it’s another evil death metal
band, righteous. But nope, I guess the dude behind Maranatha is a Christian, or
likes to say he is, or some shit. I don’t know how he thinks this makes sense.
I mean, he says that he’s a believer, but he’s against all the hate and shit,
but that doesn’t really excuse him from all the shit he does in his music. But whatever.
I just have to wash my hands really well when I’m done listening to him.
Fucking loyalists.
Where to
start: Incarnate
Band: Marduk
Genre: Black
metal
Why: Marduk
is a really unique, well composed black metal band with a great deal of talent
and foresight. They’re just so good. Listen to ‘Chorus of Cracking Necks’. They
have real neck cracking in the song. It’s awesome.
Where to
start: Wormwood, Serpent Sermon
Band: Marilyn
Manson
Genre: Hard
rock, industrial metal, glam rock, hard rock with metal influences, nu-metal,
blues rock, weird blues hard rock metal, jazz blues metal avocado metal rock
industrial rock nu-fag.
Why: Marilyn
Manson is the most intelligent, complex, brilliant, phenomenal, unique and
profound artist alive today. Tomorrows generations will wish they could’ve seen
him in concert the way todays generations wish they could’ve seen Jimi Hendrix
or David Bowie.
Where to
start: Antichrist Superstar, Mechanical Animals, Holy Wood
Band: Mayhem
Genre: True
Norwegian black metal
Why: Mayhem
is one of, or the founding band, of black metal. One of their members, Varg
Vikernes, killed the guitarist Øystein Aarseth. Per Ohlin was the vocalist
until he slashed his wrist and shot himself with a shotgun. They’re fucking
insane. Ordo ad Chao is the second best black metal record ever recorded. It’s
pure crawling diabolical evil. It’s remarkable.
Where to
start: Chimera, Dawn of the Black Hearts, Ordo ad Chao, De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas
Band: Meshuggah
Genre: Technical
progressive death metal
Why: Meshuggah
is one of the most influential bands in metal today. They’ve basically been
responsible for the resurgence of odd time signatures, blisteringly complex
drum work and focus on technicality in the most recent generation of death
metal bands. They’re probably the best death metal band out there today, and
certainly the most influential.
Where to
start: Chaosphere, Catch 33, Nothing, obZen, Koloss.
Band: Michael
Shea
Genre: Progressive
death metal
Why: Would
you look at that, I just got done talking about how meshuggah influences so
many bands, and the very next band is heavily influenced by meshuggah. Wild.
Where to
start: Endeavors
Extras:
Michael Shea used to make his money making butter.
Band: Ministry
Genre: Rock,
industrial rock, industrial metal
Why: Ministry
is one of the oldest and most prolific bands of the genre. They’re just so
fucking good. God damn, they’re so good. Any day can be improved with some
Ministry.
Where to
start: Filth Pig, Rio Grande Blood, The Mind is a Terrible Thing to Taste
Band: Mirrorthrone
Genre: Orchestral
black metal
Why: A one
man band that combines clean vocals and extremely long and dense materials and
doesn’t come out sounding really goofy. It’s really incredible black metal, one
of the bands that I point to when people want to see how complex and
fantastical metal can be.
Where to
start: Carriers of Dust, Gangrene
Band: Monumental
Torment
Genre: Technical
brutal death metal
Why: Alright,
get this into your head, there isn’t much of a defined difference between
technical death metal bands. This band is really, really good. Their sound is
really good. I like them in my ears. I listen to them very frequently. More
frequently than really any other technical death metal band.
Where to
start: Element of Chaos
Band: Moonreich
Genre: Black
metal
Why: I
honestly just like the idea of French black metal Nazis from the moon.
Where to
start: Loi Martiale
Band: Mouse
on the Keys
Genre: Jazz
post-rock.
Why: They’re
light, fun, enjoyable and something you can drive around to. I like Mouse on
the Keys a lot. There.
Where to
start: An Anxious Object
Band: Mitslav
Rostropovich
Genre: Classical
Why: He’s
simply a good composer with a great breadth to his compositions.
Where to
start: Shostakovich: The Complete Symphonies
Band: Modest
Mussorgsky
Genre: Russian
orchestral from the romantic period
Why: Modern
review of his work is rather unfavorable, but I tend to enjoy it. This is
probably because I don’t know shit about classical or orchestral music. He
composed Night on Bald Mountain, which is probably my favorite classical piece.
Where to
start: Pictures at an Exhibition
Band: N.K.
V.D.
Genre: Black
metal
Why: Russian
black metal about the gulag and the Soviet Union. They’re one of the most evil
sounding bands I’ve ever heard.
Where to
start:
Extras: The
NKVD was basically the Gestapo of the Soviet Union, and Alkhan-Kala was their
Auschwitz
Band:
Necrophagist
Genre:
Technical brutal death metal
Why: Probably
just their bass lines.
Where to
start: Epitaph, Onset of Putrefaction
Band: Nightbringer
Genre: Black
metal
Why: Nightbringer
is fun purely for how well written they are. They’re straight from hell.
Where to
start: Apocalypse Sun
Extras:
Upturrrnninng the seeeveennthh challlicceeee
Band: Nightmares
on Wax
Genre: Trip
hop
Why: Every
song is loaded with enough THC to blaze a thousand asdronauts.
Where to
start: Carboot Soul
Band: Noctem
Genre: Blackened
death metal
Why: I just
found these guys today. Sound pretty good.
Where to
start: Oblivion
Band: Nursing
Home
Genre: Electronic
hate rock?
Why: They
have a song called ‘Muhammad was a Terrorist’
Where to
start: God Bless America!!!
Extras: Good
luck finding these guys, I might be the only one left with a copy of God Bless
America!!! If you’re interested in it, let me know.
Band: Obscura
Genre: Progressive
death metal
Why: These
guys were top on the list of best progressive metal bands. I tried them out and
was impressed with their composure. Really excellent stuff.
Where to
start: Cosmogenesis
Band: Order
of Tepes
Genre: Black
metal about dracula
Why: They’re
like black metal-core, in the sense that they’re really easy to pick up, but
not in the sense that they’re just doing it ironically. Plus, Dracula.
Where to
start: Kazikli Voyvoda
Extras:
WAAALLLACHHIIAAAA!
Band: Origin
Genre: Technical
death metal
Why: They’re
uncompromisingly technically unbelievably phenomenally fast death metal.
Where to
start: Antithesis, Entity
Extras:
‘Wrath of Vishnu’ is one of the best TDM songs ever.
Band: Periphery
Genre: Progressive
metal
Why: Because
they released their first record as an instrumental, alongside the one with
vocals. And thank god, because their vocalist is utter gobshite. Just listen to
their instrumental record. It’s the only one worth your time.
Where to
start: Periphery
Band: Peste
Noire
Genre: Avant-Garde
black metal
Why: Black
metal with fuckable beats? Yes please. Just liten to ‘J’avais reve du Nord 1’.
Mmm devilpussy.
Where to
start: L’Ordure A L’etat Pur
Band: Pestifier
Genre: Technical black metal
Why: It’s like
the music that demon maggots listen to while they plot your doom.
Where to
start: Age of Disgrace
Extras: This
is what Grandfather Nurgle listens to.
Band: Philip
Glass Ensemble
Genre: Classical
Why: Simply
soft, soothing piano.
Where to
start: Glassworks
Band: Pig
Destroyer
Genre: Grindcore
Why: It’s
filthy, fast, evil, hate-filled music about rotted bodies and gross shit. Fuck
this is fun.
Where to
start: Phantom Limb, Explosions in Ward 6
Extras: He
saw his flesh burning. Nothing left but his eyeballs.
Band: Portal
Genre: Death
metal from the most confusing and terrifying part of hells antique mall
Why: Portal
is the perfect band for people into strange, evil, doomy, lovecraftian death
metal about the passage of time. The lead singer goes on stage with a cuckoo
clock where his head should be. They’ve got an incredible stage presence. Fuck,
portal is so good. Just go listen to ‘Larvae’.
Where to
start: Outre’, Swarth
Extras:
Auuuuuugghhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh…
Band: Primal
Scream
Genre: Electro-rock
Why: I like
these guys a lot, but I can’t listen to them very much because of how many
depressing memories I have associated with them, but they’re really fuckable.
Like, just put it on and you’re gonna start licking the walls.
Where to
start: XTRMNTR
Extras: Kill
all Hippies!
Band: Professor
Elemental
Genre: Chap
hop
Why: Steam
punk rap. That’s all I’m going to say.
Where to
start: The Indifference Engine
Extras: Watch
his videos.
Band: Putaraeon
Genre: Death
metal with tentacles
Why: They’re
death metal about Lovecraft. How am I not supposed to like them?
Where to
start: The Esoteric Order
Band: Pyrrhon
Genre: Grindcore
weirdness
Why: Again,
grindcore lives and dies by their speed and relentlessness, and Pyrrhon has got
plenty of both. It’s just a wall of fuck and your ears just have to take it.
Where to
start: An Excellent Servant but a Terrible Master
Band: Radiohead
Genre: Alternate
rock, post rock
Why: If you
need me to tell you why radiohead is worth listening to, you’re probably not
too familiar with popular music. Radiohead is a really invigorating injection
of weird into what has become a very redundant genre. Be sure to download/pick
up Me & This Army for a bunch of solid B-sides and rap remixes. Also, look
for Crunkhead, which is a great triphop re-visitation of radiohead.
Where to
start: Amnesiac, Me & This Army, Kid A
Extras: Thom
Yorke’s eye is permanently fucked up because he tried to fuck an octopus.
Band: Rage
Against the Machine
Genre: Rock
Why: Rage
Against the Macine is just great, politically charge fire-starting music that
makes me want to kill cops. They perfectly blended thirty years of rock, jazz,
grove and funk into a really sexy hard rock group.
Where to
start: Rage Against the Machine, Evil Empire
Extras:
Listen to them, but don’t tell Joe Swiercek.
Band: Rammstein
Genre: German
sex rock/sex metal
Why: It’s
rammstein. You’ve heard rammstein. Just go listen to them. They released one of
the best albums ever: Reise, Reise (Journey, Journey). Every song on that
record is solid gold. And they’re other work, especially Mutter, is
extraordinary.
Where to
start: Mutter, Herzeleid, Reise Reise
Extras:
They’re most recent special edition for their album came with a set of dildos,
each molded after the band members actual cocks.
Band: Red
Fang
Genre: Progressive
rock
Why: Red Fang
is beer, anxiety, angst and a lifetime of manual labor put into a music blender
and then spread over a wild brown bear. They’re just so good. Their music
videos are loads of fun too.
Where to
start: Murder the Mountains
Extras: Watch
their videos. They’re better drunk, I understand.
Band: Sabrewulf
Genre: Doomcore?
Why: I can’t
decide if I dislike or hate the vocals here, but I think everything else is
exemplary.
Where to
start: Prophecy
Band: Seagulls
Insane and Swans Deceased Mining Out the Void
Genre: Post
black metal with elements of extreme weird
Why: Honestly,
half the reason I downloaded these guys in the first place was for their band
name. The reason I didn’t delete them was for the fact that they’re
refreshingly strange, and not too far from a really great name in the genre.
Where to
start: Seagulls Insane and Swans Deceased Mining Out the Void
Band: Shining
(Norwegian)
Genre: Jazz
rock with elements of black metal and turn-of-the-century classical
Why: I can’t
begin to explain how strange these guys are. Just go listen to Fisheye. They’ve
got a sound like none other. It’s like some jazzed up version of Marilyn Manson
teamed up with… fuck I don’t know. A saxophonist. And…I don’t know, fuck, a
satan. A big satan.
Where to
start: Black Jazz, In the Kingdom of Kitsch You Will Be A Monster
Band: Shining
(Swedish)
Genre: Depressive
black metal
Why: Lots of
bands claim to be depressive, suicidal metal groups, but the only band I truly
believe feels the full depth of manic, suicidal, self-loathing pain is Shining.
Holy dogs, these guys in too deep. No antidepressants will save them now. The
lead singer hands out razor blades at concerts. I mean, what the fuck.
Where to
start: IV – The Eerie Cold, V - Halmstad
Band:
Skinless
Genre: Brutal
death metal about devil Nazis killing everything all the time forever.
Why: Because
they released an album called ’Trample the Weak Hurdle the Dead’
Where to
start: Trample the Weak, Hurdle the Dead
Extras:
REEEEET
Band: Slayer
Genre: Metal
Why: It’s
slayer. If you don’t listen to slayer, you’re no friend of mine, young man.
Where to
start: Reign in Blood, South of Heaven, Diabolus in Musica, God Hates Us All,
World Painted Blood
Slayer rating:
Slayer.
Band: Sleep
Terror
Genre: Progressive metal
Why: One of
the composers from Guitar Hero decided to make a band that plays nothing but
the most ridiculously difficult songs as fast as possible. Here you go.
Where to
start: Probing Tranquility.
Band: Son of
Aurelius
Genre: Brutal technical death metal
Why: Fuck, I
love death metal. It just don’t turn off. It’s on forever. It’s just
perma-kill. It’s a ten sided chainsaw that’s just rolling through time square
and fucking ruining everything it gets in contact with. God it’s soo much fun.
Where to
start: The Furthest Reaches
Band:
Strapping Young Lad
Genre: Extreme
power fuck metal death metal fuck yeah let’s do this man, c’mon!
Why:
Strapping Young Lad is where Devin Townsend made a name for himself. It’s
hilarious. It’s amazing. It’s the heaviest music you’ll ever laugh to. If
you’re not into strapping young lad, I’m not into you. He has a song called ‘C:enter:###’.
Just say that out loud.
Where to
start: Alien, City, The New Black
Extras: If
you’re reading this you’re not spending your time enjoying SYL.
Band: Sunn
O)))
Genre: Drone doom metal
Why: Sunn
advises their listeners: MAXIMUM VOLUME YIELDS MAXIMUM RESULTS, and they play
like it. I’ve heard that their concerts are louder than two jet engines fucking
with a freight train watching and blaring its horn constantly. They’re also the
slowest metal you’ll ever hear. Enjoy it.
Where to
start: Monoliths & Dimensions
Extras: Oh,
cydonia…
Band: Terra
Tenebrosa
Genre: Post
metal
Why: It’s
like listening to the future of metal through a weird ear-cone.
Where to
start: The Tunnels
Band: That 1
Guy
Genre: ?
Why: Where do
you classify a band of one guy who made his own instruments? What kind of music
is songs about mustaches and butts? What the fuck is even going on?
Where to
start: The Moon is Disgusting, Songs in the Key of Beotch
Extras: He’s
one of the most enjoyable stage performers ever. He’s such a chill guy! I took
pictures of him!
Band: Tom
Waits
Genre: Jazz blues rock bizarre
Why: If you
don’t like Tom Waits, you’re wrong. He’s one of Americas best artists. He’s a
wonderful man. What’s wrong with you? Go listen to him.
Where to
start: Alice, Bad as Me, Black Rider, Mule Variations, Real Gone
Band: Tombs
Genre: Post
death metal rock weirdness
Why: It’s
like someone took a rock band, put them in the sewers and fed them nothing but
rats and crabjuice for two weeks and then brought them into the studio.
Where to
start:
Band: Trap
Them
Genre: Hardcore? Core of something. Applecore.
Why: For the
same reasons that all grindy core bands are good.
Where to
start: Darker Handcraft.
Band:
Triptykon
Genre: Death
metal
Why: I’ve
never heard a band sound so angry as Triptykon. Just listen to ‘A Thousand
Lies’
Where to
start: Eparistera Daimones
Extras:
LIEEEESSSSSS!
Band: True
Widow
Genre: Really
sad post rock doom
Why: God this
is so depressing, they even have a tambourine and I’m still crying.
Where to
start: As High as the Heavens and from the Center to the Circumference of the
Earth
Extras: Still
crying.
Band:
Turbonegro
Genre: Rock!
Why: It’s
Turbonegro!
Where to
start: Apocalypse Dudes
Extras:
Turbonegro!
Band: Vortice
Genre: Djent
metal
Why: These
guys were at the forefront of taking Meshuggah’s influence and running with it.
They released a fairly solid album too, even if it was held back pretty
significantly by some questionable vocals.
Where to start:
Human Engine
Band: Watain
Genre: Black
metal
Why: Watain
is second only to leviathan for best black metal band today. They’re basically
the champions of the genre right now. Evil as fuck. Uncompromising. Pure
vicious annihilation. From hell.
Where to
start: Lawless Darkness, Sworn to the Dark
Extras: On
killing a goat on stage, the frontman was quoted as saying: ‘We don’t do it
every time, but if the show needs more magic than normal, the goat must die.’
Band: Yelle
Genre:
Electropop
Why: It’s Yelle!
French Electropop! It’s like candy! Yes!
Where to
start: Pop-Up
Band: Yellow
Eyes
Genre: Black
metal
Why: Black
metal with solid atmosphere. High in nitrogen. Big plus.
Where to
start: Silence Threads the Evening’s Cloth
Extras:
Jaundice it is!
Band: 1349
Genre: Black
metal
Why: 1349 is
a great black metal group. They hate everything, they serve the devil. Their
music reflects their life choices. Here. Listen.
Where to
start: Hellfire, Liberation, Demonoir
Extras: I was
scared, when I was flesh.
There you go. That's all my music. I might do this for movies and TV shows too. Tell me what you think, comment or whatever. Thanks for reading.
W.
W.
Still waiting for the rundown on movies and TV shows, by the way.
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